sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
