the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
