he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
