so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
