once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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