She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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