she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
he's gonorrhea incarnate
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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