i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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