You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
