Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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