I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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