Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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