My liver just broke up with me...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
