the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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