I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
