i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
