Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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