yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
