What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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