Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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