your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
