it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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