you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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