i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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