youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
