As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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