We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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