i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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