just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
