Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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