why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
