I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
