1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
