ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
