And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
