it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
