I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
