I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
