Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
third nipple confirmed
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
