can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
