If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
