If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
