I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
