I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
