Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
