New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
