so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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