Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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