you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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