3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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