hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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