Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
