...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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