That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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