Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
