Quick, to the slutcave!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
