when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
